If there was a Nobel Prize for enjoying the sound of your own voice, Obama would definitely have qualified.

- John Derbyshire, Too Many Words

Do not stab, kick, punch or shoot the inflatable decorations. I don't want another Bozo massacre on my hands.

- The Management, At Knighton's Office

[I]t's nearly December! What happened to July? Did we even have a July? I don't remember, which raises an interesting question: Is the year nearly empty or is it nearly full? Do we start with a full year and empty it out or do we start with an empty year and fill it up?

- Bill Farrell, Not Half at Twelve Two Two Fondue

Life is not designed with anyone's happiness in mind, and it has the disconcerting habit of not rewarding the good as much as we'd expect, of punishing the wicked less vigorously than we'd like, and even, on occasion, of getting the two completely mixed up.

- Marcus Buckingham, What's Happening to Women's Happiness?

[S]omewhere in the deep dark unexplored depths of my car, the Goldfish and Gummy Bears are mating and evolving into higher life forms.

- Antique Mommy, Crazy Things In My Car

That is now going to be my answer when someone asks how's it going: I LACK THE PROPER ADJECTIVE.

- Heather Armstrong, Dooce

You think you're in control? Well, I think you're crazy.

- Gnarls Barkley, Crazy

I think every woman should have a blowtorch.

- Julia Child, Quotes: How to Cook

I had a blast in college, especially when I learned how to break the rules and not get caught. Am I proud of breaking he rules? Why yes, actually. But I’m most proud of not getting caught.

- Stacy from Louisville, Bible College Love Super Quiz 2008

Truly, it can be stated: "If you want to impress a woman, bake her a pie."

- Neil Peart, Bubba's Bar 'n' Grill

Have you ever longed to sleep a thousand years? A thousand years might just do it. And on waking we’d have pancakes. Then perhaps a nap.

- Tony Woodlief, Sand in the Gears

To me, the term "power nap" is an oxymoron. I don't take power naps. I take out-of-power naps.

I don't nap to work harder. I nap because I'm tired and I need to lie down.

- Lisa Scottoline, Chick Wit

And dude, when you’re rooting for the machines in a Terminator movie, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

- Carrie Vaughn, Filling the Well

You think you're a ninja but you're not!

- Boy to His Brother, So Cruel @ Testosterhome

Leaders who refuse to listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing important to say.

- Andy Stanley, via Tony Morgan Live

Apparently, panicking is an acceptable substitute for forethought, contingency planning or actually taking productive action.

- Seth Godin, Might as Well Panic

One of the reasons I believe in God is that there's no other explanation for Apple's survival.

- Guy Kawasaki, @ Catalyst West

"There’s no big "S" on your chest . . . You’re just human." I have to admit I find that a little disappointing. It would be so cool to be able to fly.

- Laurell K. Hamilton, If Only I Could Fly

We have both always worked from home together and it has always worked for us. The upside to this scenario has been that we get to eat lunch together in our jammies and grope each other when we pass in the hallway - both of which are frowned upon in a regular office.

- Antique Mommy, Boundary Issues

How much do you have to hate someone to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell someone about that?

- Penn Jillette, A Gift of a Bible

President of General Motors: fifty million dollars a year to run General Motors into the ground. I coulda done it for half that.

- Jake Johansen, on David Letterman 2/13/09

We have no idea how long Adam and Eve lasted in [the Garden of Eden] before sinning and thus creating prime rib, which seriously, the Fall wasn’t all bad.

- Anti-itch Meditation, Vegetarian Sex

Darwin . . . put wheels on the chair in his study so he could get to his specimens more quickly — and, bingo, the modern office chair was invented.

- FOXNews.com, Darwin's Kin, Admirers, Opponents Mark 200th Birthday

[P]art of me is still that little girl who was raised with no money, and a grandmother that could pinch a penny, and make it sing. It’s hard not to hoard things, just in case.

- Laurell K. Hamilton, A Taste for Something New

[G]ood and evil are present in this world, and between the two of them there can be no compromise. Murdering the innocent to advance an ideology is wrong every time, everywhere. Freeing people from oppression and despair is eternally right.

- George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States, Farewell Address

See how virtuous I am? My politics are correct. I am a fully paid-up member of the herd — nothing independent-minded about me.

- Jay Nordlinger, My Kingdom for a Safe Zone

A shrug. For one thing, it’s a sweater, and it’s not even a whole sweater. It’s like 1/3 of a sweater. It’s like the thong of the sweater world — another prank played upon women by the fashion industry.

- Antique Mommy, Fashion Gifts I Don't Want For Christmas

No audience member, in the history of presentations (written or live) has ever said, "it was exciting, useful and insightful but far too short."

- Seth Godin, Blah, blah, blah, blah...

Palin as a pro-life wife, mother and ambitious professional represents the next big shift in feminism. Pro-life women will save feminism by expanding it, particularly into the more traditional Third World.

- Camille Paglia, Obama Surfs Through

In democratic systems, the people are free to screw up their own societies.

- Mark Steyn, Vox Populi

I'm like Hugh Hefner. Except without all the girls. Or the mansion.

- Anonymous, Appreciating Beauty